The so-called ‘loneliness epidemic’ has become a centerpiece of discussion among the chattering class and the media, with headlines like “Why have people suddenly stopped hanging out?” It’s often blamed on broad social phenomena or technology (e.g. Covid restrictions, smartphones, political division, and demographic change). But one often-overlooked aspect is the role that individuals themselves play in this. Society is composed of people, and thus any social problem, at its root, is also a people problem.
I posit that the loneliness epidemic is symptomatic or a response to a widespread lack of empathy or other anti-social behavior. Empathy is defined as the ability to put oneself in another person’s perspective, such as “Will my action make the other person upset?” And for reasons that are poorly understood, there has been a society-wide dereliction or incapacity for empathy. Maybe this is tied in with the concurrent ‘narcissism epidemic’, or made worse by social media.
However, social media cannot be entirely to blame. For example, on Reddit there are tons of personal stories of gen-z and millennials who grew up with family problems or are estranged from their parents. Popular sub-Reddits with seemingly innocuous or unassuming titles such as “r/AsianParentStories” have thousands of posts where now-adults commiserate about overly high expectations placed on them growing up, or other lingering trauma. This was from growing up in the ‘90s or early 2000s, before social media. A common thread of these stories is a lack of empathy. Until I went down that rabbit hole, I didn’t realize how widespread of a problem this was.
To wit, I can relate my own personal experience. One day my mom threw out and gave away my old computers and video game collection, which included some now-collectible cartridges. The ‘retro computing scene’ has seen the value of certain old computers and consoles increase. I was never consulted on this matter. I would have told her to wait, and offered to pick them up and store them myself. But regardless, it was assumed that I did not want them and that my property amounted to trash.
On the street corner there is frequently a guy with dreadlocks who accosts pedestrians to try to sign his petition. No one ever does anything about it. In my mind I have some choice words for where I would like to insert that clipboard. So I am perhaps as guilty of antisocial behavior as anyone else. If empathy is defined as the ability to put oneself in another person’s situation, maybe he’s just trying to earn a living and finds the situation as awkward as strangers find it aggravating.
When the Astronomer CEO was caught cheating on the jumbotron at a Coldplay concert, everyone was quick to cast aspersions, but few considered the well being of his wife, for whom this was as painful for her at it was shameful for him. If I had to guess, few people were actually genuinely offended by his actions. They were looking for an opportunity to virtue signal or to ride the latest bandwagon or wave of social media-fueled outrage.
Or the widespread use of ’emotional support animals’ (ESAs) by non-disabled people, by taking advantage of loopholes where ESAs are classified as service animals under the Fair Housing Act (FHA) and the Air Carrier Access Act (ACAA). People who bring their furry companion to the food store are oblivious to how annoying this is to everyone else, as well as unsanitary, again demonstrative of a lack of empathy. Staff and customers are afraid to say anything for fear of the encounter going viral on social media.
At work, many can relate that bosses and managers can have unpleasant or overbearing personalities (or are promoted because they have those characteristics). The customer is not always right. On the sub “r/talesfromretail”, with over a million members, retail employees recount their experiences dealing with implacable customers and bosses alike. Or viral videos online of people misbehaving or acting-out in public. The availably heuristic can make these incidents appear more common than they actually are. Before the advent of social media and smartphones, such outbursts simply went unreported. But it’s also possible that people have become more unpleasant overall.
As it’s said, “Hell is other people.” Technology–such as cheap entertainment like Netflix, social media, and smartphones–has finally provided a way to voluntarily isolate ourselves from those unpleasant people and to cultivate our own social circles, when in the past this was harder (TVs were bulky and expensive, and travel was slow). The rise of Uber Eats and Door Dash bypasses the retail experience altogether. But this also calls for introspection, in understanding that we all play some role or have a duty in making society less hellish, too.